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Is Hopeful

by Faithful Johannes

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  • Limited Edition 8" Lathe Cut Transparent Vinyl
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

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  • Limited Edition Cassette EP
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Black cassette EP with simple card sleeve.

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1.
Fog 03:08
It’s funny what you recall and what you don’t 99 per cent’s gone up in smoke Helen said “you never listen” But should have said “you never remember” I read a letter written By me years before It felt more like fiction Alien diction Like May to my December A lost boy out of work in a check shirt Power cuts and candle lights Cancelled nights of stopping in With Josselyn Soaking in the tub She’d shout “stop singing!” Won her back with back rubs and cuddling We’re not controlling anything Do the opposite of what your Algorithms tell you to do Astroturf knees Pretend your name’s Keith Saved a lost bubble bee Like a twelfth of Hercules From a hot window sill Of a forgotten hotel All disgarded with ease Like Hermit crab’s shells Amnesia is easier to blame That admitting that I’m selfish And my brain doesn’t retain Based on empathy, though mentally I’m so tired, spluttering, empty My gut health’s dived Can I ever reinvent me? Empower us with Satellites Cowardice, I’m stopping in With tele on I’m catching up In the future we will spinn But right now I’m struggling We’re not controlling anything Do the opposite of what your Algorithms tell you to do I’ll grab a hold of everything I’ll be an optimist When rocks move and seas swell I’ve not been back to my home town in years And suddenly really miss it I’d visit but it’s lockdown Though I’ll go back when I can Walk the streets alone Try to conjure anecdotes and countdown My top ten junior jokes See the aged faces of acquaintances and their parents In supermarkets, pubs and leisure boats Power cuts and candle lights Cancelled nights of stopping in With Josselyn Soaking in the tub She’d shout “stop singing!” Won her back with back rubs and cuddling Empower us with Satellites Cowardice, I’m stopping in With tele on I’m catching up In the future we will spinn But right now I’m struggling We’re not controlling anything Do the opposite of what your Algorithms tell you to do I’ll grab a hold of everything I’ll be an optimist When rocks move and seas swell
2.
Dust 02:38
Just after dusk I’m feeling long in the tusk Like I must not be made of dust from stars But house dust or rust from cars My dead skin settles on un-played guitars Nightly While fewer friends invite me for beers I get cavalier with snubs and putdowns On profiles that reach no one A grey person outline No face No emotions School reunion declined Lied, messaged back said I’d died Signed off by the loved one I’d left behind Who keeps my socials open Says heart was the width and depth of the ocean Stop posting Move to Nova Scotia Become a Life Coach Become a slogan Stop coasting, use lotions start feeling less atrocious I’ve a definite memory Of floating to the ceiling as a child And moving by will power From room to room Un-noticed by the adults below You might think that I’m lying But believe me I’m not trying t' I’m in different rooms and places at the same time Not legion or hive-mind But scattered with five kinds of silence Hide it as shyness Write my own biog but nobody buys it Like Alec’s book I took liberties, heck We both know no one believes I headlined at Leeds and Bestival Not even on a small stage as guest vocal Or that I featured on once upon a time a shaolin I throw in towels Shriek at hairy moth owls I meant Baldwin not Ferguson In case you misunderstood what I said earlier on I’ve a definite memory Of floating to the ceiling as a child And moving by will power From room to room Un-noticed by the adults below You might think that I’m lying But believe me I’m not trying t' I didn’t mean to shut you out Or jam your fingers in the door I’m sorry, you deserve more I didn’t mean to shut you out And jam your fingers in the door I’m sorry, you deserve more More honesty More apologies More bonhomie Less hypocrisy I still cheat at monopoly
3.
Different 02:32
When I was at school I had a centre parting And I was far too gentle-hearted I should never have listened to my sister It thickened, grew and got much bigger The tough kids out by the shops would snigger And I couldn’t talk to my babysitter I needed more than a pair of scissors Some style advice, and a cut with clippers Now I had strong strong strong Feelings and I had long long long Obsessions That I never cared to mention I tried prayers for my redemption But all I got was hypertension It was my fault I thought That what I sought went unanswered and left me empty I was always on my best behaviour A chaste teenager Quietly denatured I was always on my best behaviour A secret unbeliever You can’t slip your own skin I was told god watched me every moment From inside my head, not in the open Now that’s fine if you believe it But as a kid it made me feel guilt For tiny things Like Losing Uncle Arthur’s gold ring The toy car stolen from the grass Or for having a crush on someone in my class Especially if their parents had the wrong kind of beliefs Oh, I felt trapped for weeks It took a long time to say how I felt different But I did And everything turned out alright But I did And everything turned out alright Now I had strong strong strong Feelings and I had long long long Obsessions That I never cared to mention I tried prayers for my redemption But all I got was hypertension It was my fault I thought That what I sought went unanswered and left me empty I was always on my best behaviour A chaste teenager Quietly denatured I was always on my best behaviour A secret unbeliever You can’t slip your own skin
4.
Mistaken 02:16
Stuff matters You can have strong opinions But still be open-minded Violence on my TV makes me feel dizzy Like I’m high up ladders Close eyes or change the channels We’re all mammals and actors to some degree I believe I’m a different person With everyone I meet, literally In Athens in March The sea was cold and gave me a shock Like lightening across my back Electricity, a calling From a forgotten god Reaching out and choosing me Lo She said with mighty force “you’re doing great Go forth, consume more and more cheese courses” I see my dad’s face in my cracked phone screen But with much smaller eyes It’s my reflection not a split screen skype call I’ll never believe history loops and repeats I’ve not had an enemy since school Cos I am sensible Ostensibly grown up But I still hate those fools They’ll have dependable cars and spendable bonuses It’s all water under the bridge That washed me out into the cold grey sea I still hate those fools Testosterone teens got a lot to answer for. I’ve left no trace on my old street Neighbour’s replacement say “I never heard of you” No blue plaques in suburbia Forgotten Like my cat buried under a conservatory. I used to feel unworthy But now I don’t really worry I moved away, got redemption Started paying into a pension I see my dad’s face in my cracked phone screen But with much smaller eyes It’s my reflection not a split screen skype call I’ll never believe history loops and repeats

about

Faithful Johannes wrote and recorded his Is Hopeful EP at home in the Spring of 2020 while ignoring his family.

It's his most personal record to date.

Purchase includes bonus download of Me Lost Me's Dust remix.

credits

released February 5, 2021

Mastered by Martin Trollope at Harbourmaster Productions

Artwork by Oli Heffernan

Everything else by Faithful Johannes

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Win Big Records Durham, UK

WIN BIG RECORDS.

Tiny record label from Durham City.

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